Four Years Of Us: An Open Letter

Dear Toby, 

So, it’s been four years of you and me. Sometimes I feel like I’ve known you forever and other times it baffles me that so much time has passed already. And what a ride it’s been, eh? Even in the last three months we’ve been through so much! Between your broken ankle, my family emergencies, and a global pandemic, it’s been hard to make time for each other. But make no mistake, you’re in my thoughts and in my heart every single day. 

I know that public displays of affection aren’t really your thing, but I wanted to post this today because in this uncertain time, I want to put out as much love, kindness and positivity into the world as I can. Thank you for giving me your blessing to write and publish this online. 

I am, as you know, the kind of person who during hard times, likes to look back on happy memories for comfort. There are so many with you sweetheart. And ours are my favourite to reminisce. 

As I sit here writing this, I’m listening to our song. Do you remember the first time you played this to me? I don’t think I’ll ever forget it. There are a few little moments that pop into my head often and never fail to make me smile. The first time you told me you loved me, in the car after we’d spent an afternoon soaking up the sun in the Cathedral Close. When you came back from uni to surprise me on Bonfire Night. That time you turned up at my work with a bunch of roses just because I’d had a rough night the day before. 

I love how with you I’m always laughing. Even when I’m angry or sad or tired, you’re always trying to make me laugh and despite my best efforts sometimes, you always succeed.  

I love the way you’re truly my best friend. You’re the first person I want to tell when I’ve got good news, the first person I want to cry to when it’s bad news. You treat me with such respect, compassion and love. We can talk about anything and there’s nothing I’m afraid to share with you. We call each other out on our bullshit. We’re quick to apologise when we fall out. We can discuss our flaws and help each other grow and learn. 

Your work ethic and determination are two of my favourite things about you. It makes me so proud to see you working so hard towards your degree and your future. You inspire me to want to find something I enjoy that much and work hard for it. 

You give the best hugs that make me feel safe and loved and protected. You’re such a comfort to me. When I’m having a bad day or an anxious moment, hearing your voice or seeing your face brings a sense of calm over me. Thank you for supporting me, for cuddling me, for letting me into your life four years ago and not letting me go. 

My heart aches at not being with you today and I can’t wait to be able to have a belated take-out and movie night as soon as we can. 

Life is full of ups and downs but there’s no one I’d rather ride this rollercoaster with. You have my heart forever.

Happy Anniversary sweetie!

All my love, 

Hermione xx

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